Not off to a flying start

Well, my 'I know I can and I will' mantra faded somewhat the day before my first class, when I suddenly decided I can't do four subjects after all.  I withdrew from Prose Writing the day before the class started, mainly because it meant an early start and conflicted with SH No.1's work commitments.  Anyway, I feel happy with the three subjects I'm doing and the first week back has gone well.  More or less.

Turning up for my Reading Fiction leccture, everyone wanted to know where I was the day before for the Prose class.  This set my mind back to thinking I could re-enrol and do four subjects after all - SH No.1 could work out alternative arrangements at work.  However, after the lecture, I decided that with all the reading involved, three subjects would be enough.

The next day, I arrived for my Fame and Celebrity class and met one of my old friends from last semester who wanted to know why I wasn't doing Prose.  Once again, I thought I would still have time to re-enrol and sent SH a text asking him to make alternative arrangements for the assigned day for that class.  In the meantime, I went to the lecture with my usual coffee heartstarter in hand and enjoyed the intro to the sociology-based lecture.  As I went to leave the lecture at the end, I lifted up my lecturn/table thingy and accidentally spilt whatever little cold coffee I had left at the bottom of the cup, onto the girl next to me!  It was a mininmal amount and it didn't actually land on her but onto the strap of her bag.  Well, you could imagine how apologetic I was!  I must have said 'sorry' a dozen times as I scrabbled around in my bag for a tissue.  And this girl didn't utter a word - she completely ignored me as she bent down and proceeded to scrabble around in her bag for a tissue, which she found.   I bent my head closely to hers and said once again, 'I'm really sorry about that'.  No response.  'Hello?', I said.  No answer.  Awkward!!!  She's obviously one of these people who can't accept an apology and want to make you feel as guilty as all hell.  'Alrighty then', I said as I left to go to my tutorial - hoping to God she wouldn't be in it!!  She wasn't, but this little episode made me think that no, I won't re-enrol in Prose, three subjects are enough.

After Fame and  Celebrity came Screen Analysis 2.  I did Screen Analysis 1 last year and quite enjoyed it and I had the lecturer for Ghosts and the Gothic last year and feel safe with her.  I surveyed the room and verified that I didn't know anyone in the class - not to worry, a great chance to make a couple of new friends.  My confidence was soon shot when the lecturer asked us to introduce ourselves and tell everyone who our favourite director is and whether we considered he/she to be an 'auteur'.  Now, I know 'auteur' is French for 'author' but I was a little confused as to the context in regard to cinema.  I also knew that I didn't know another soul and many of the students seemed to be real film buffs, so to ask the question would've made me feel, if not look, like an imbecile!!!  Anyway, I winged it and came up with a few, mainly Sofia Coppola (I'm probably the only person who enjoyed 'Lost in Trnaslation' and saw it twice) and after the film screening and tutorial, felt quite confident but decided that yes, three subjects is definitely enough!!

I'm so excited

The mid-year break is almost over and I'm back to uni next week.  I don't know where the time went! 

Yesterday, I went to Officeworks and picked up a 4 lecture note book which for some reason I was very excited about.  Probably because it means I won't have to keep swapping lecture pads every time I go to a different lecture.  It's complete with pockets and I spent last night gluing relevant course information into it (nerd city!).  Today I went to the uni book shop and bought most of what I need, though I was a little more than peeved to find that not all the dossiers were available.  This puts my little plan of being super organised into slight disarray and means another trip into uni before classes start on Tuesday.

Nevertheless, the books and dossier I did manage to get have given me more than enough reason to start feeling the thrill and excitement of finally returning to the lecture halls and tutorial rooms, with novels such as Mrs Dalloway, The Great Gatsby and Death in Venice to study.  Ooh, I get chills!

Given that I'm starting this semester full-time for the first time since starting university, it may be only a matter of time before I'm feeling the pressure of double the assignments and exams I'm used to.  Athough I know it will be challenging, I'm going to stop second-guessing my choices and just know that I can do it and I will! 

OMG - LOL!! :)

I don't know about you guys, but I'm having a hard time accepting abbreviations/acronyms.  Fair enough when sending a text or posting but now my TD No. 2 has started saying them out loud!  Instead of laughing she actually says 'LOL'!  Telling us a funny story someone had told her the other day, she said, 'OMG, I LOLled, so much'!    But most bizaare of all is that now she has abbreviations for abbreviations - 'B T Dubs' is the abbreviation for 'BTW', which is the abbreviation for 'by the way'. Is this normal?  I don't think she realises it's actually quicker to just laugh or say 'by the way'!!

As if it's not confusing enough, I'm also having a really hard time working out what smiley face means what.  Okay, so this :) means I'm happy and this :( means I'm unhappy - so does that mean I can use this :/ for being angry?  Is there a sign for being angry?  Sometimes if I'm really happy, I have been known to use :)).  Are there rules to these little symbols or can I just make them up?    I suppose it's just the way of the new technological world and maybe there needs to be an abbreviation user guide - 'Abbreviations and Symbols for Dummies' for dummies like me who are a little out of the loop.

Anyway, TTYL or as Winnie-the-Pooh says, TTFN!!!

The dilemma

Why is it that every time I have a parent/teacher interview, I start thinking I should have done teaching?  I've just come back from my year seven interview and heard nothing I already didn't know about my son.  He is the politest, most well-mannered young man in the class; his presentation leaves a lot to be desired; and academically, he is capable of more.  Exactly the way he is at home!  Full of I beg your pardon's, pleases and excuse me's; his bedroom is constantly a mess and he's always in such a hurry, he can only ever give anything 50%.  No surprises here and if this is the worst I have to hear, I'm happy - he's an absolute angel!  But as usual, I've come home thinking about what a rewarding job teaching would be.  I've been seriously considering transferring (next year) to Early Childhood, which would mean starting again - so another 4 years.  If I stay in the degree I'm in, it means another two years to finish this one and then two more years doing a Graduate Diploma.  So...another 4 years.  Ugh - decisions, decisions!!!!

In the mean time I've enrolled in next semester's subjects.  As usual, over the holidays I've come to believe myself invincible and that I could actually do a full-time study load.  I've chosen - 'Reading Fiction', 'Prose and Essay Writing', 'Fame and Celebrity' and 'Screen Analysis 2'.  Subjects that all sound right up my alley but which will in no way be of any use to me as an early childhood teacher.  I can definitely see a pattern forming here.  Whenever things are going well, I change my mind and decide I want to do something else!!!  Although in my own defence, I have been thinking of teaching for quite a while.  Hmmm...it's not good for a Libran to be so undecided!

Results

I wish the title of this post referred to my weight loss but alas it does not.  It refers to my academic results, which have been more successful than the latter!  I received a High Distinction and a Distinction, which would usually bring elation but even my husband commented on my lack of enthusiasm at such good news.  Hang on a minute - I don't want to sound so dull and ungrateful about it.  I really am over the moon and hopefully if I can keep these results up, I might actually consider doing a Masters.  Maybe.

It is usually true that when something in one area of our lives is going well, something else is turning to shit!  I've come to accept that I will never get back the body I had when I was in my mid thirties but what scares me most is that if I feel miserable about how I look now, how will I be in ten years time because it's just going to get worse!  I walk for an hour just about every other day, I've tried counting calories (boring), not snacking (even more boring), stopping the carbs (painful) and the dairy (not so bad, I like soy) and even after two weeks, I barely lose anything except the joy for living!!!  I remember a time when I could be good for two or three days and lose two or three kilos.  How I took those wonderful years for granted.  Middle-age has come barging through my door, with it's lumpy arse, rotund tummy and double chin and it's here to stay. 

On the flip side, I also remember a time when I thought I was too stupid to go to University but, hey, here I am!  According to the Buddhist philosophy, everything in life is constantly changing and an acceptance of this fact is the key to a happy life.  Therefore, I accept that I will continue to change and will not look 35 when I am 65 (at least not without the help of some major surgeries) but I'm going to make damn sure I will not look 55 when I'm 45!!  With hard work comes success, doesn't it?

Well bully for you!

Picture this if you will. 

It's a beautiful crisp winter morning with not a cloud in the sky.  I decide to take my son and his friend to the park for a kick of the footy.  The park is a hive of activity - people are everywhere walking their dogs; kids are running, cycling or scooting; the cockatoos are in their hundreds, screeching and swooping in their search for their favourite seed.  Okay, enough of the poetry.  At the park there are three footy fields with a goal post at each end, so that makes...six goal posts in total.  The boys find their goal post and decide to play a game of half-field footy while myself and my faithfull dog, Bindi, sit in the stands to watch.  We remain this way for half an hour. 

Suddenly an SUV pulls up and out hops a stout looking man followed by four small children who immediately congregate around the very goal post my son and his friend are playing at.  The father (presumably) is at the boot of the car busily unloading soccer balls, footy balls and footy tee's, while at the same time shouting instructions to I don't know who.  Now, at this stage as I watched silently on, I thought without a shadow of a doubt that obviously once this guy unpacks the car of this paraphenalia, he'll advise his brood to move on to the next goal post.  So imagine my surprise when he swaggered confidently to the very spot my son was playing his game.  In fact, he swaggered RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of my son's game!

As I got up and silently muttered 'You have got to be kidding me', I felt absolutely certain that once he saw that these guys had a guardian, he would definitely move on.  Nope.  In fact, I don't even think he battered an eyelid in my general direction.  He and the kids proceeded to set up their little sports arena right under the posts, effectively pushing my boys out of the way.  Now my question for you is, did I
a)  Politely make myself known at which time the gentleman apologised and moved on?
b)  Politely show the gentleman the five other goal posts at which stage he apologised and moved on? or
c)  Say nothing and move my boys to another goal post?

Now, I really wish I could confidently tell you it was a) or b).  However, quite unbelievably (mostly to myself), it was c).  I called over to the boys to just move to another goal post and then spent the next hour berating myself, on the verge of tears!  Even as I'm telling the story I cannot believe this was my reaction!  I was and still am so angry at myself for not sticking up for the boys and telling that big bully where to go.  Now I have been known in the past to speak my mind at various injustices.  I once went right up to a car window in a parking lot and confronted a woman who called me a bitch ('Excuse me?  I'm a what?').  I also once yelled in a rage at a trolley boy for almost running me over with about a thousand trollies at the supermarket (how embarrassing!).  Have I lost my spark?  One very well meaning friend pointed out that I was a woman alone and the man in the park could quite easily have lost his temper with me if I'd have said anything.  This is the same well meaning friend who also incredulously pointed out that the lady in the car park could've pulled out a gun and shot me as I stuck my head in her window!!!! 

The boys didn't care, they just moved their game to another field but this incident has been bothering me for a week and I can't let it go.  What's happening to me?  Maybe I'm mellowing; maybe sometimes you have to turn a blind eye; or maybe (gasp) my new-found education has enabled me to think about and choose my battles rather than running in like a bull(y) at a gate.