Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Desperately Seeking Approval

Remember when you were going to school and there was always one teacher who inspired and encouraged you?  For me there were a few but the most memorable was Mrs Marsden in Grade 1.  Well, I was so looking forward to today's tutorial as I always do but today even more so because my lecturer was giving the tutorial. 

I really love literature and I have such respect for this lecturer because he's so good at what he does and I couldn't wait to actually share my ideas with him. However, it seemed that whenever I put an idea forward, he totally disagreed!  That's fine, not everyone has to agree with me but literature is so subjective - surely it's possible to provide an insight that's not "wrong"? The tutor is very positive and accepts all opinions and so up until this morning, I thought I was on the right track!

I was determined not to be one of these students who gazes up at these Professors like they're Gods (in a strictly student/teacher manner) but it's very hard not to become overawed (in a strictly student/teacher manner) with someone who is so knowledgeable in a subject you love.  So this morning, I felt my confidence deflate as he seemed to systematically reject most of the suggestions I put forward.

Maybe I was trying too hard; maybe I'm too sensitive...I know, maybe he thinks I'm very clever and he doesn't want to let on!  No...maybe not.  I felt as if I was back in grade 1 again, desperately seeking approval from one I admire and respect and I'm so annoyed at myself!!

1 comment:

  1. I remember that feeling, the 'why oh why did I even open my mouth in a seminar' feeling. Maybe he will lose his place as your favourite lecturer if he carries on like that! It's often the mature students who are the most vocal in seminars/tutorials too. Literary criticism can be subjective, but as long as you have evidence (in the text or critical article) to back up your argument it is not necessarily the wrong approach. He should have backed up his 'systematic rejection' of your ideas with evidence from the text or criticism - I would look them up and maybe find some of my own to argue back with! Lecturers always respect people who do background reading. Also there is nothing wrong in being wrong - it's how we learn although its not pleasant to be told you're on the wrong track it means you get pointed to the right one. It's better to speak out in tutorials than not anyhow. I hope he hasn't dented your confidence too much.


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