Mean girls

You know, sometimes I absolutely love having daughters.  Growing up in a household with three brothers, I yearned for a sister and swore I would have two little girls when I had babies.  As it turned out I did have two little girls, 21 months apart and it was heaven (well not all the time but most of the time).  Now that they're older, sometimes I feel so connected to them - like they're my best friends in the whole wide world.  And other times...I feel as if I could pull their hair out and scratch out their eyes, they're so mean to me!! Obviously when I'm feeling like that I walk away and count to ten, as my dear, sweet Nana used to tell me.

1...2...3...4...

Honkers

I have a horn and I'm not afraid to use it

Okay, I'll admit it...I'm a honker.  While I consider myself to be a very considerate driver, if you break the rules and cause harm to everyone else, I'll give you a honk!

The school drop off is the worst.  Parking on the very corner of the street, blocking all other traffic because you can't be bothered parking further away and your kid might get wet, entitles me to give you a honk.  Get him/her an umbrella!

Walking in the middle of the road because you don't want to get your tootsies wet on the footpath, warrants a honk - yes, lady, you're right, I am a bitch, so watch out.  It's been raining for three days solid, wear some boots! 

Sitting in the school two minute zone for TEN minutes, waiting for your kid who isn't there, stopping all other incoming traffic, justifies a honk - what, you think you're more important than everyone else?  Do the block.

Yes, I'm honkers and as long as people continue to be inconsiderate on the roads, I will continue to be.  HONK, HONK!

Slavery

Having scrubbed the house from top to bottom this morning, I am absolutely exhausted and utterly over being a 'domestic goddess'.  My hands smell of bleach and any thoughts I had earlier about getting it all done and then sitting in front of my books have gone out the window - my motivation is zero. 

I've been doing house work for almost twenty years and I don't want to do it any more!  I'm the only one home during the day, so it feels as if it's my 'job' but I really want to hand in my resignation.   The house is an all-consuming, devouring monster ready to chew me up and spit me out every other day of the week.  I got a housekeeper once about six years ago when I was working part-time and she lasted about a month - the guilt got me in the end.  I couldn't stand the thought of someone else cleaning my house when I knew I was perfectly capable of doing it myself.

What's the answer?  I wish I knew.  My little game of tough love hasn't really sunk in as yet.  I've removed and replaced the light bulbs so many times, I've realised I'm the only one suffering for that!  I've got a big box full of dvds, umbrellas, a dirty towel, an ipod charger and hair bands sitting in my walk-in robe and no-one's really missed them as yet.  I did have success with a pair of shoes I found sitting on the lounge for a couple of days.  After the owner spent the whole morning walking up and down the house screaming that she couldn't find her shoes, she went out in an old pair.  I casually put them in her room where they belong and that's where they've stayed ever since.

What's really scary is that this is what my life has become - thinking of new ways to teach everyone to pick up and moaning about having to do the bloody housework!  

All's well

Don't worry, I'm not going to regale you with my never-ending parenting wisdom (and lack thereof!) - God, how utterly boring I've been! 

My summer semester is almost over and now the kids are back at school (oops, there they are again - sorry folks!), I have the whole day to myself to catch up on reading, writing and posting.  I have enjoyed my Gender, History and Culture course immensly and have just handed in my first assignment.  It's been great to have my first real taste of exactly what feminism means and to look back over the history of the women in my family.  Our next assignment will be a photography portfolio in which we, hopefully, gain a better understanding of our own identity through the domestic habitus of family!

My Narrative Fiction course is equally as interesting but as usual, my main cause of angst - I think it's because I'm majoring in Literary Studies, I want to make sure I do my absolute best.  I did really well in my last assignment - I thought I'd do a lot worse seeing as it was due over the crazy Christmas period and I owe SH No. 1 a full body massage due to a bet we made re results.  It's nice to know he has confidence in me, even though I'm usually less sure of myself. 

Semester one starts at the end of Feb. and I can't wait to get back on campus.  It hasn't been too bad working externally but I really miss having contact with and bouncing ideas off other students and tutors.  And this will be my first semester ever without a literature subject.  I must say, I am looking forward to having a break from analysing a thousand and one books!  It will give me a chance to try my hand in other areas - Desktop Publishing, Media Law and Feature Writing.  No doubt these will provide me with the challenge I need to keep going - I'll be graduating at the end of NEXT YEAR!  Finally, I can say 'next year' and it feels GOOOOOOD!

Great expectations

Today my eldest is 18 - an adult!  Instead of being known as TD No. 1, she'll now be AD No. 1!  She can now drive (technically she's been able to do this since she was 17 but still won't get her licence!), vote, drink (legally!) and get herself to work!!  She's also just been accepted into university.  It's hard to believe I have a child who is an adult and it's occured to me, we both have some learning to do.

When I was 18, I was living out of home and had been working full-time for three years already.  AD No. 1 has just left school and started working more than five hours a week and I've been preparing her for the fact that I will no longer be driving her there and back.  How times have changed and I accept that.  I think I've said before how SH No. 1 and I were parented in totally different ways - I was made to be independant from a very early age, whereas my husband didn't leave home until we got married (he was 25).  His parents still feel they have to see us every week and are constantly wanting to do things for us.  Whereas my Mum leaves us to our own devices and we are under no obligation to contsantly be in touch.  We all know we tend to parent the way we were parented and this is where it becomes difficult when we've both been brought up in completely different ways.   And it has been the subject of many a heated debate!

Having to find that happy medium where our adult children know we are always here for them but also trying to instill in them the fact that our job as a parent is to teach them how to look after themselves.  It's a tough one! 

I do feel guilty when I refuse to do things for her - if , as an adult, they want to do whatever they want, whenever they want, they can't then expect me to be their maid and their driver!  I think it all comes down to self-esteem - to be confident enough to know we're doing it all for the right reasons and hopefully they'll thank us for it later!

Tough love

Ali's got nothin' on me

In accordance with my self-regulated rules of the Year of Caz and having spent eighteen years trying to get my children to pick up and clean up after themselves, it's time the gloves came out - time to enforce some pretty simple Rules of the House:

1.  You leave it lying around - it's gone

2.  You refuse to clean up after your pet - you suffer the consequences

3.  You leave the lights on all day and all night - you'll be in the dark

So far this morning I have collected 1 shoe, 3 bottles of nail varnish, a necklace, a bracelet, 4 dvd's, the light bulb in their bathroom and the light bulb in their lounge room!!  The kitty litter that's been uncleaned for I-don't-know-how-many-days, regardless of I-don't-know-how-many-times-I've-asked, has been relocated into the bedroom of the yes-I-will-do-it-later owner along with the empty cat food container that was left sitting on the windowsill!! Oh, and by the way, if you're old enough to have sex, drive, drink and vote...you're old enough to get yourself to and from work!!! 

A bit harsh?  I don't care!!  I'm just wondering how long it's going to take these 2 teens and 1 adult of mine to clean up their act.  

Yep, things are going to change around here.

It's all about me

Waking up the other morning after returning from our glorious Christmas by the beach, I declared, 'I hate it here' - which in woman speak means, 'I'm not happy'.  True to male form, when I explained the house just represents being a slave to it and everyone in it, SH No. 1 said, 'Well, that's what life is all about'.  Not the answer I was looking for but it certainly got me motivated to start doing something about it by myself.

So, as 2012 starts, I have decided it's enough waiting around for everyone else - I'm going to start doing what I want, when I want.  From now on my life is going to revolve around getting my study finished and getting my body fit.  I've returned to the gym regularly and have been extremely disciplined with the reading etc for my summer courses.  And I'm not going to stay home and study anymore.  The other day, I drove to the river, found a big shady tree and read for 3 wonderful hours, with nothing but the birds, some boats and the sunshine for company! Catching a ferry to the State Library is also on my list of places to study.

I'm going to start looking after myself more, which means a nightly ritual of cleansing and moisturising instead of plopping into bed exhausted; and being bothered to dress up and wear makeup.  These are things I've neglected of late because I couldn't see the point - who'd look at me anyway?!  But I've realised it's not about doing these things for other people - it's about doing them for me!  I will draw the line at wearing makeup to the gym though!  Everyone will just have to put up with me looking like death warmed up.

In the long term, I have this (wild, crazy?) dream of one day volunteering in an orphanage in Nepal.  Why Nepal, I'm not sure - probably because it's the furtherest place I can think of but once I've finished my degree, I want to devote myself to children who are less fortunate, so a teaching degree might be next.

No, mine is not a hard life and I'm so grateful for everything I have, but it was beginning to be a ho-hum one.  So that's it - 2012 is going to be all about me, me, me - The year of Caz.

Happy new year, everyone!  May you all continue to have health, happiness and love in your lives. XX