Today my eldest is 18 - an adult! Instead of being known as TD No. 1, she'll now be AD No. 1! She can now drive (technically she's been able to do this since she was 17 but still won't get her licence!), vote, drink (legally!) and get herself to work!! She's also just been accepted into university. It's hard to believe I have a child who is an adult and it's occured to me, we both have some learning to do.
When I was 18, I was living out of home and had been working full-time for three years already. AD No. 1 has just left school and started working more than five hours a week and I've been preparing her for the fact that I will no longer be driving her there and back. How times have changed and I accept that. I think I've said before how SH No. 1 and I were parented in totally different ways - I was made to be independant from a very early age, whereas my husband didn't leave home until we got married (he was 25). His parents still feel they have to see us every week and are constantly wanting to do things for us. Whereas my Mum leaves us to our own devices and we are under no obligation to contsantly be in touch. We all know we tend to parent the way we were parented and this is where it becomes difficult when we've both been brought up in completely different ways. And it has been the subject of many a heated debate!
Having to find that happy medium where our adult children know we are always here for them but also trying to instill in them the fact that our job as a parent is to teach them how to look after themselves. It's a tough one!
I do feel guilty when I refuse to do things for her - if , as an adult, they want to do whatever they want, whenever they want, they can't then expect me to be their maid and their driver! I think it all comes down to self-esteem - to be confident enough to know we're doing it all for the right reasons and hopefully they'll thank us for it later!
When I was 18, I was living out of home and had been working full-time for three years already. AD No. 1 has just left school and started working more than five hours a week and I've been preparing her for the fact that I will no longer be driving her there and back. How times have changed and I accept that. I think I've said before how SH No. 1 and I were parented in totally different ways - I was made to be independant from a very early age, whereas my husband didn't leave home until we got married (he was 25). His parents still feel they have to see us every week and are constantly wanting to do things for us. Whereas my Mum leaves us to our own devices and we are under no obligation to contsantly be in touch. We all know we tend to parent the way we were parented and this is where it becomes difficult when we've both been brought up in completely different ways. And it has been the subject of many a heated debate!
Having to find that happy medium where our adult children know we are always here for them but also trying to instill in them the fact that our job as a parent is to teach them how to look after themselves. It's a tough one!
I do feel guilty when I refuse to do things for her - if , as an adult, they want to do whatever they want, whenever they want, they can't then expect me to be their maid and their driver! I think it all comes down to self-esteem - to be confident enough to know we're doing it all for the right reasons and hopefully they'll thank us for it later!
