Over the hill

After thinking I had two weeks holiday with the kids, it works out I still have a week of uni while the kids are home - help!!  It's impossible to get anything done and the stress levels are rising.  When you're a mum, I don't think it matters what you endeavour to do whether it's work, study or travel, you always have the kids at the fore front of your mind and attention.  I always feel as if I'm trudging up a steep hill with three pairs of hands pulling on my shirt tails.

While I was trying to finish an essay on Sunday (due on Monday), it was a case of where can I go to hide!  After trying to work at home, I packed everything in the car and headed to the library only to get there and not find a park.  The whole time I was driving around I could hear the "tick-tock" of time running out.  I finally came back home and shut myself away in the bedroom only to have the bedroom door open every five minutes with each child having something extremely important to tell/ask me.  I finally lost it and told them all to pretend I wasn't here and unless there was a fire, I didn't want to know! 

I left Teenage Daughters 1 & 2 at home on Monday while I handed in the assignment and went to my lecture.  I got home to the smell of burning biscuits to find TD No 2 watching Sponge Bob Square Pants and forgotten biscuits in the oven.  I think the whole house could've burned down around her and she would've been oblivious!  It's my own fault for thinking she would remember to put the timer on, seeing as that was what I told her to do!!!  I awoke on Tuesday morning panicking that my assignment wasn't up to scratch.  Oh, well, too late now.

Now I just have to try and finish my social enterprise project and finish reading The Tempest.  It is such a short play but trying to do it all in between, "Mum, we're bored" and "Mum, there's nothing to do", is insane!  I have come to the conclusion that I will just have to put in some late nights.

On the up-side my six weeks of eating properly finally seems to be paying off and I'm starting to feel as if I'm losing those extra kilos, very slowly.  If I had done this five years ago, I would've lost six kilo's by now instead of one or two but that's age, I suppose.  I also got to hit the treadmill yesterday with the kids yelling and screaming at each other in the background.  I love my MP3!

Anyway, I can't wait until this semester is over.  The hill's getting steeper, the trudging's getting slower and the hands are getting stronger!

Motivational procrastination

Well, I was told it would only be a matter of time before I started losing motivation.  I have an essay due on Monday, missed a lecture this week due to illness, am behind on my reading and was up late last night volunteering with the homeless for a uni project (definately a confronting experience)!!  I suppose I haven't really lost motivation - I'm just tired!!! 

While the family are watching the footy grand final, I thought I'd hop into bed with my lap top and catch up on my essay and I knew it would happen - I'm in bed and I'm doing everything but work on the essay!!!!  Basically catching up on all the blogs I've been missing.  I know I'm procrastinating - it's one of those essays which just keeps changing every time I do a decent amount of work on it.  My theme keeps going off on tangents.  I just can't face it at the moment.

No, I'm definately not unmotivated, I'm tired, tired, tired!!  Looks like it'll be an all dayer at the library tomorrow.  I've never not had anything finished the day before it's due (what the??) And I was thinking of going full-time next year!  How do people manage it?  I think my head will be clearer after a good night's sleep.  Night night!

What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine

On a totally unrelated topic to University, has any mother out there ever had the feeling that her possessions are all of a sudden a free-for-all to everyone in the family? Like all mothers I am selfless.  I don't mind sharing and if anyone needs anything at all, I'm more than happy to give it to them.  However, I've recently realised that the older I get, anything that is actually mine has become quite sacred.

My daughters over the last year have commandeered MY hair straightner, even though they have a perfectly good (albeit cheaper) one of their own.  I bought a new pair of sunglasses on Sunday only to have Daughter No. 2 borrow them for a school play on Monday and they came home in pieces; then last night Supportive Husband No 1 asked to use MY laptop when we have a perfectly good computer downstairs. I felt like a right heel but I said, no!

As if it's not enough that I can't shower, toilet or read without interruption, now everyone wants to use my stuff!! It's time to stop this selflessness and have a few things that really are MINE.

Ego is a dirty word

I finally got my very first essay back yesterday.  After spending two weeks trying not to think about it and imagining all sorts of scenarios from getting the highest mark in the class to the lowest, I can proudly say I received a distinction.  Not bad, right, for my first essay?  Then why was I disappointed??

I must have sat there for a good 15 minutes wondering why I couldn't possibly get a high distinction for my first masterpiece.  Flicking through the essay, I expected to see red marks all over the place but instead I saw many ticks and the capital "G" in the word "Gods" crossed out!  Anyway, once I came home, I went over it thoroughly and re-read the comments.  Apparantly the structure, expression and writing style were "v. good" but unfortunately I needed more analysis of the text I was critiquing!  A warranted comment seeing as I was so concerned with the look and flow of  the essay and less with the overall content.  This is the secretary in me.

I realised this morning that my massive ego was injured and a distinction is a great result for a first essay.  At the end of the day, I'm at Uni to learn and I need to enjoy the experience.  However, the perfectionist in me will continue to achieve my best - my ego needs to learn to take it easy and go with the flow!

Desperately Seeking Approval

Remember when you were going to school and there was always one teacher who inspired and encouraged you?  For me there were a few but the most memorable was Mrs Marsden in Grade 1.  Well, I was so looking forward to today's tutorial as I always do but today even more so because my lecturer was giving the tutorial. 

I really love literature and I have such respect for this lecturer because he's so good at what he does and I couldn't wait to actually share my ideas with him. However, it seemed that whenever I put an idea forward, he totally disagreed!  That's fine, not everyone has to agree with me but literature is so subjective - surely it's possible to provide an insight that's not "wrong"? The tutor is very positive and accepts all opinions and so up until this morning, I thought I was on the right track!

I was determined not to be one of these students who gazes up at these Professors like they're Gods (in a strictly student/teacher manner) but it's very hard not to become overawed (in a strictly student/teacher manner) with someone who is so knowledgeable in a subject you love.  So this morning, I felt my confidence deflate as he seemed to systematically reject most of the suggestions I put forward.

Maybe I was trying too hard; maybe I'm too sensitive...I know, maybe he thinks I'm very clever and he doesn't want to let on!  No...maybe not.  I felt as if I was back in grade 1 again, desperately seeking approval from one I admire and respect and I'm so annoyed at myself!!