|This is how I feel!|
I'm 99.9% sure I failed my Gender exam last night. I spent the whole day before studying and the whole day of the exam trying to be calm and not worry. However, as is usual of my uni life over the last 3 years, there's always something that gets thrown at me just when I have something important to do and it invariably involves my family.
While waiting for my exam to start I thought I'd check my emails and to my absolute shock and horror, I received a destressing email from No. 1 son's high school teacher, expressing his disappointment in my son. I won't go into the details but when I read the words 'arrogant' and 'disrespectful', the first thing I thought was, he must be thinking of another boy! Yes, he can be tardy and slack but two things my son is not are arrogant and disrespectful. After alerting SH No. 1 and organising a meeting with said teacher, I rang home to make sure they'd all arrived safe and sound from school. Of course, my son knew about the email, the teacher had told him, and knowing I had an exam about to start he didn't want to mention it either. However, he soon broke into tears and he's just as perplexed as we are.
Anyway, needless to say, I didn't enter the exam in the right frame of mind, which froze the minute I was handed the paper and instead of writing 2000 words, I eventually wrote 1000 words of the biggest load of dribble I think the tutor has ever had the misfortune to read. I'm embarrassed and what's worse is that I have another one tomorrow! I'm finding it harder and harder to be there for my family and keep up with uni. My family always takes precedent and the worries that come with having three children are exhausting! I'm essentially doing 5 subjects at the moment and my reasons for doing a degree are becoming more and more muddy and unclear. I feel as if I'm wasting time and money but what sort of an example would I be to my children if I quit?
This morning after having another argument with AD No. 1, trying to find my son's lost sports shorts, screaming at TD No. 2 to clean the bathroom, trying to prepare for today's class and tomorrow's exam, I now have knots in my stomach. I've been crying all morning wondering what the hell I'm doing all this for. Not good preparation for my other exam tomorrow night! I've been thinking about just packing it all in and going back to work. Like the mouse on the wheel, I feel as if I'm getting nowhere.