Friday, December 10, 2010

My true self

I'm enrolled in next semester already even though I really don't want to think about next semester at the moment.  Because I was still umming and ahhing about how many subjects to take, I enrolled in four so that when I finally made up my mind, I could just drop what I couldn't manage.  Thanks to some great advice, I now feel more comfortable with my decision to only do two subjects next semester - Italian and Romantic and Victorian Literature.  I know within myself that my mental state at the moment will only allow me to do two!  My dream of being a Teacher/Librarian certainly won't happen overnight.  Besides, I don't want to overload on responsibility - I'm having a middle-age meltdown at the moment.

I recently read an article titled 'From adolescence to adulthood - helping your children take the steps to becoming adults'.  One of the key pieces of advice in this article suggests, 'Don't take on their problems'.  This hit a chord with me because I realise this is exactly what I've been doing.  My automatic protectivenss of my children is hard to turn off and I find myself always being one step ahead of them so they don't get hurt.  A hard habit to break after 17 years but I realise this is becoming extremely stressful.  It's hard to let go of my adolescent but I need to let her make mistakes in order for her to learn.  It's like constantly keeping an eye on your toddler in order that they don't fall or bang into something.  They need to fall every now and again and besides, it's very tiring being protective!!!!

I have also been told by a psychologist friend that my recurring dream of the last year and a half about babies, isn't about me being abandoned by my growing children as I had self-analysed.  According to her, Jung would've said it's about me having to be nurtured!!  I'll take that.  My intention to try and master the art of meditation and yoga might be just what the doctor ordered. Or a week on a deserted island might be even better!


  1. I am so happy for you!!!!! I struggle every semester with signing up for too much and I always feel better when I drop one class. It has messed me up a little in that I need to take 5 classes next semester to graduate "on time" as this is my senior year. I considered postponing graduation but I really want to do this already! I have been accepted to the grad school I wanted to get into and I start that 2 year (full time) program in the fall.

    I think you will love your upcoming semester! The classes sound wonderful. I hope that by taking 2 classes, you can really enjoy them more than you would have if you took on more.

    I am honored that you took my advice to heart! I have also learned that I need to listen to my inner self and tell my judge to "F off" quite often! Regarding the dream, Fritz Perls would have had you act out every aspect of your dream and give voice to all participants, even the inanimate objects in the dream. Perls does not analyze dreams, he has patients analyze their own dreams by using this method. I think your analysis would have been very similar to the one you received from your friend and very much in line with Carl Jung's interpretation. If you acted out the baby in the dream, you would have probably acted out being nurtured and coddled and your every need being tended to. I think it is wonderful that you have taken steps to do just that for yourself!!

    Lastly, I COMPLETELY RELATE to the difficulty of letting go when it comes to our kids! Yesterday, I looked at my phone and saw that my 12 year old texted me 3 hours prior to me looking at the phone. It said, "I left my ELA folder at home by mistake." Had I read that when he sent it, I probably would have dropped it off to the school and pissed and moaned the entire time. I am glad I didn't see it until it was too late. Instead, I just said, " an learn, kid." IT FELT SO GOOD!

  2. P.S. You inspired me to analyze my recurring dream! I posted it in my blog. Thank you!!!!!

  3. Thanks Nicki. I have heard before that in order to understand your dreams, you have to analyse what they actually mean to you and this has worked for me in the past. I couldn't imagine acting out my dream = that would be weird (unless I was hypnotised!) Maybe now I understand why I'm having them (I need to nurture myself), I'll stop having them! I appreciate your comments!

  4. I so hear you on the subject load dilemma. This year I have found my load to be a bit more heavy going than when I started, as I now have research based subjects. One semester really was a mess, as I was tryin to conceptualise my research topic, but was doing a subject that was so similar to what I was looking at that I got really thrown. Then the research subject ran overtime, due to the size of it within the constraints of a semester timespan. I am a guinea pig in this course (although my co-ordinator prefers the term "pioneer") But being unwell most of this year, it has been heavy going. Particularly with one child still at home.

    So, I completely relate to your post! Your units sound so exciting though! Hope that you have a ball next semester!

  5. I think you will enjoy next semester too. Here's to relaxation before that. I will be back to find out how it is going.


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