What's happening to me?

Well, the holiday's over and it's back to uni today for me.  I can't say that I'm terribly excited and I can't say that I'm overly bummed either.  I haven't had any results back yet but when I do, they'll either motivate me or depress me even more.

Now I know I said a couple of posts ago that my family is my 'passion' but as much as I love them, I really need a new passion.  I don't know if it's because I've been home for over a week but when I'm not stressing over study, I'm stressing over housework!  Not what needs to be done so much as what no-one seems to be able to do.  I think by 8 o'clock in the morning everyone is pretty much desperate to get to school or work - anywhere as long as it's away from me.  Hell, I wish I could get away from me!!  I think I've just come to a point in my life where it's just really hard for me to live with other people. When the kids were young, I suppose I could mould them and control them to a certain extent.  Now they're teens, it's like sharing a house with another three completely different personalities - five people, each with their own querks and irritations.

Anyway, it's not quite time for me to enjoy the bliss of living on my own just yet, so I've decided I seriously need a hobby.  I'm so envious of people who manage to find joy and fulfilment in a hobby e.g. Sarah @ Secret Housewife.  I love hearing all about her allotment but most of all, I just love the passion with which she tells of it.  I'm not exactly sure what my new hobby will be - probably something physical seeing as I think I need it for my body and more so for my mind.  I'd like to start jogging again and have my eyes on a 5km run that's coming up in September.  I don't have a running buddy but I think hauling my ass out of bed at least three times a week to go for a jog will do me and my family the world of good.  I wonder - am I going through menapause or am I just trying to find myself?

Pride, people!

I've just had another argument with TD No. 1 - this time about what she wanted to wear to the shops.  Since when did it become acceptable for young girls to walk around in public half naked?  It's not only my daughters who seem to think it's okay - it's everyone.  Some of the 'outfits' I've seen uni students walking around in - it makes me wonder about the pride some of these people have in themselves.  Obviously, they think they look pretty good wandering around with their butt crack hanging out of their jeans and their boobs hanging out of their shirts but do they even look at themselves in the mirror before they venture out?  A couple of weeks ago, I saw a student walking around in some sort of crocheted short suit, which left absolutely nothing to the imagination.

I remember when going to the shopping center, the city, the movies and even getting on a plane required a little bit of dressing up.  I'm not talking long skirts, gloves and corsets here people.  Take some pride in your appearance and cover up, because quite honestly, I for one don't want to see your bits hanging out, no matter how good you think they look, THEY DON'T!!!  Save it for the beach if you want to flaunt it around.

Having said that and maybe a bit more, my daughter has just fled the house in a dress.  She didn't give me a chance to actually see her but I guarantee, her bra was still showing and she chose flipflops over a nice pair of flats!  Is it just me or do they have too much pride?

Prospects

There is absolutely no relationship between this picture and my post!  Only that I mention the Kookaburra and it's my favourite bird!!

Yesterday while sitting outside the lecture room waiting for the lecture to start, the conversation turned to age.  One of my fellow students just couldn't believe she turned 19 on the weekend!!  Yep, 19 - I know how awful is that!  And what's worse, she'll be 21 when she graduates!  I can hear the sudden intake of breath - but that's not it.  Another fellow student...wait for it...will be 23 when she graduates!!  As you can imagine, I didn't have a hell of a lot to contribute because I don't think anyone dared ask me how old I'm going to be if I ever finish this thing. 

Anyway, talk soon turned excitedly to what careers everyone hopes to embark on once they've finished (mostly teaching).  One of the girls turned to me and asked me what I'm going to use my Degree for.  Still sitting there stunned because I'd quietly worked out that I'll be at least 46 by the time I finish, I honestly had to admit that 'I don't know'.

Up most of the night reading and writing, I woke once again at about 2.30am unable to sleep and ended up dropping off on the lounge at about 4.30am - once the kookaburras start, you know any chance of sleep is pretty much impossible.  I think I managed about 2 hours, so I woke up feeling down in the dumps as usual.  But isn't it funny how God or the Universe or whatever it is, can always send you some sort of sign - if you're listening, you might just catch it.  I logged on this morning to catch up on some blogs and the first one I read was Betsyanne's - all about, you guessed it, Non-trads/Mature Age students who finally made their graduation.  Tres inspiring.  Might just get me through this next week until my Easter break!  Thanks Betsyanne.

A Vindication of the Rights of this Woman

I came up with this little gem this morning.  Feel free to use it or change it as you wish!

Dear ___________ Family,

I hereby resign from the position of housewife – effective 12th April, 2011. As of today,


1. I will no longer pick up after anyone. Wherever you leave it is where it stays.

2. I will no longer be washing anyone’s dishes. If you can’t be bothered to rinse anything and put them in the dishwasher, they’ll stay in the sink.

3. I will no longer be in charge of dinner. DO NOT COME AND ASK ME WHAT WE’RE HAVING. Suggest something and then help make it.


4. If you are capable of getting yourselves anywhere - get yourselves there. I will no longer be picking up or dropping off if there is an alternative. i.e. if you start work between 7am and 5.30pm – you can get yourselves there. If you leave work between 7am and 5.30pm -  find your own way home.


5. If you’re worried about getting to school on time – walk.


6. If you use the bathroom – clean up after yourselves. I will no longer be picking your clothes/towels up off the floor, cleaning water off the floor or toothpaste from the taps and mirror.


7. If you go to the toilet and dribble or make skid marks – clean it.


8. If you do your washing – hang it out. If you hang it out - bring it in.


9. If the bin is full – empty it.

10.  If you want to turn this beautiful house into a doss-house - I will move out.


IN SHORT – THERE ARE FIVE CAPABLE INDIVIDUALS LIVING IN THIS HOUSEHOLD. I AM NOT A MAID, CHEAUFFER, CLEANER OR CHEF.  I LOVE YOU ALL.

MUM

Ripley - believe it or not

I feel as if I've just mooched the entire weekend and today away.  I've done the final draft of my Northanger Abbey essay but have lots of reading to do for my Frankenstein essay.  We went and saw the play on Saturday, live from the National Theatre in London and it was fantastic, so I suppose I could kind of count that as research!  I actually forgot the kids start their holidays today (I swear they get double what I used to get.  Maybe teaching's the way to go), so instead of spending the whole day locked in my room, I took No. 1 Son to the park to catch yabbies for an hour and a half; SH No. 1 came home for lunch and then No. 1 Son and I decided to spend the afternoon watching Alien!! 

Yes, my son is only 11 and yes, I would've been scared out of my brains if I watched it when I was 11 - hell, I was scared when I first watched it at 19!!  But really, compared to what they watch now and the video games they play, I think it's fairly tame by comparison.  Anyway, I'll certainly know tonight if it was the right thing to do or not!  But I digress...I absolutely love Ellen Ripley.  I love her so much, I named my dog after her.  A gutsy, spirited, cool-headed heroine - God is there anything better?  The only bad Alien movie is the last one because, really, she's an original - you can't CLONE her!!  I'm clearly still in love with Ripley and she just makes me want to be a kick-ass gal.  All my whinging and moaning about uni - 'I want to quit' and 'it's too hard'...boo-hoo!  God, I make myself sick.

I would have to say though, that since studying literature, there are quite a lot of literary kick-ass gals from times gone by as well.  Mary Shelley, Miles Franklin and Charlotte Perkins Gilman to name just a few.  So I want to know, who's your favourite kick-ass gal? 

I've been drafted

On Monday I did something I've never done before - I sent my tutor a draft of my essay.  Having worked on it most of last week and all weekend, I felt quite happy with the end result but as the tutor kindly offered to read a draft, and on the advice of SH No. 1, I went against my own intuition and emailed it to her.

I will admit that I initally didn't want to send in a draft because I had worked so hard on it and I really didn't want anyone giving me advice on how to make it better (putting my head in the sand?).  Anyway, it was extremely kind of her to read it but what little confidence I had before, has dwindled even further.  No, she wasn't unkind.  It just seems my opening thesis, which she's not clear on and the structure of the essay that needs work.  The problem I have is that I don't agree with her!!!!

I have myself in such a state at the moment, I think I'm best to just sit on it for a couple of days; clear my head, go for a couple of long, rambling walks and come back to it later.  But honestly, it would be so easy for me to just quit right now!

If my tutor for some weird reason decides to Google my name and sees this post - I'm sorry!  Yes, I have only just realised this is possible!

Thank heavens...



http://www.simplyartonline.net/MarieLouiseVigeeLebrun.htm


You know, there was a time when my two daughters were just the sweetest, most delightful little angels.  Older parents used to get such a thrill in telling me that once they were teens it would all change.  'Not mine', I'd say.  Well that day has come (actually it's been here for well on four years, but who's counting) and I can honestly say there has been many a moment and especially this very one, when I wish they were three and four again.

I used to have two gorgeous little girls who were quiet, polite and did what they were told, when they were told.  Now I have two, almost adult girls who don't seem to give a damn about anybody or anything unless there's something in it for them.  I remember when I was growing up, if my mother or father gave me 'the look', I would quickly avert my eyes and shut up.  Not these two.  Quick with the snide, disrespectful remarks, they answer my 'look' with, 'what?  what are you lookin' at?  what?'  Then they sit there snickering at each other like, 'Mum's lost the plot'. 

There's only so much I can take and I can't take being treated like a not-so-bright doormat.  Especially not by two little girls who once upon a time used to light up my life.  Thank heavens for little boys!

Sorry to be on a downer but at the moment it hurts to be a mum.